Hot Men

I have been pondering the question for some time: 

Why is it that the hot men of today feel the need to look...homeless?

Take James Franco for instance.  Not only does he look like he just jumped out of the movie Pineapple Express, but if I didn't know any better, I'd think he lived under that umbrella right behind him.

And Ashton Kutcher. You used to be the love of my life. Until I saw this picture.

Johnny Depp, I think you looked better in Pirates of the Caribbean...and Alice in Wonderland.

Ooooh Brad Pitt. I know you're aging, but can you please try and do it a bit more gracefully? It's not fair that the world should have to look at that unsightly beard on your face and know the hotness that lies beneath.

Is it laziness? Or perhaps arrogance? Don't own a razor? Inability/unwillingness to USE a razor? 

Whatever the case, I draw a fine line between "grunge" and total lack of hygiene.

Things I Hate (Part 2)

1. Eli Manning.  Overrated and overpaid.  I'll leave it at that.

2. Pedestrians.  I went downtown today to finish some last minute Christmas shopping (which was quite unsuccessful).  Not only did I get stuck behind close to a dozen idiot drivers, but I came dangerously close to hitting someone.  I don't know what makes a person think it is a good idea to walk across a busy street. Find a crosswalk, idiot.  And at least have the decency to RUN when I honk at you and flip you off.  Or just stop so I can hit your dumb ass.

3. Bruno Mars.  Not only are his lyrics cheesy and vomit-inducing, but they are like cocaine to insecure women. 

"When I compliment her she won't believe me." 

*Maybe find a girl who doesn't feel the need to fish for compliments. 

Or his next song, which is quite the opposite: 

"I would catch a grenade for you, throw my hand on a blade for you" 

*Really? I'm not sure how physically injuring yourself or DYING will get a woman to love you.  Good luck with that one.

Funny Things Kids Say (Part One)

Since I work with children who say hilarious things every day, and I am the only one who gets to hear these hilarious things, I decided to share them with the world (or the 5 or so people who read my blog).  Now keep in mind that these quotes are funnier if you know the child saying them...but nevertheless, I hope you get a few laughs.

Yesterday:
Student 1: "Miss Richardson guess what?! My sister had a baby!"
Student 2: "Wow Miss Richardson, you don't even have a baby."

What are the odds?? haha

Yesterday:
Student 1: "Here Miss R I got you something"
(she hands me a purple bouncy ball)
Me: Why are you giving this to me?"
Student 1: "Because you like balls."

Inappropriate and I almost loled.  No idea where that one came from...

Last week:
Student from another 4th grade class: "Paper is the earth's most valuable resource!"
Student from my class: "NO! Video Games are!"

I'm glad I got the intelligent ones...

A while ago:
Student to another student: "I will sue you for not looking like me!"

A while ago:Student: "Dude, if you talk, you have to kiss a hobo"

Some great examples of the work done in my class:

The week of Halloween, we had a lesson on similes, and I had my students write 6 similes about Halloween.  I gave them the example: The night was as dark as a bat's wing.  Pretty standard.  My students are OH SO creative though, and came up with some that were much better than the example I gave.

1. (this one is the best) The apple is as red as a decapitated baby.

ummmmmm.....future serial killer??

2. Frankenstein is as awesome as me.

Glad you don't have any issues with self-confidence.

3. The spider was like ice cream

I DO NOT want to know what kind of ice cream you've been eating...

4.  It was as yellow as a naked Whinnie The Pooh.

HAHAHAHAHA

5.My green snot was as green as my barf the day after Halloween.

Disgusting.


MORE TO COME...

Kittens

Everyone loves kittens.  Ok, MOST people love kittens.  The point is, I love kittens.  So I (as Mahyo said) impulsively got a new baby kitten a little over a week ago.  Since then, I have come to the conclusion that this particular kitten is like a bad boyfriend. 

How,  you ask? 

1. She pees on everything. (haha ok maybe this one doesn't fit, and if it does you might want to have that boy committed)

2. She only cuddles with me when SHE feels like it. (typical)

3. She makes a mess of my apartment. (and I know I don't see her cleaning any of it up)

4. She keeps me up ALL NIGHT. Ok this one is inappropriate haha. (sorry mom).

5. She is rude.

6. She gets mad when I don't pay enough attention to her. (if you know some of the guys I've dated this is enough said)

7.  She looks cute, but deep down she's a shit head. 

Since I am apparently not as much of a kitten-lover as previously stated, I decided it was time to say "bye-bye" to this new kitty (whom I have not named yet, and won't repeat the names that I usually call her), I decided I was going to take her to the Humane Society.  So, I called them to make sure I could bring her by today.  

My plan was to just do it fast and get it over with (that's what she said), but instead the conversation went something like this:

Me: "Hi, I have a kitten that I can't keep anymore, when can I bring her by?"

Jackass on the phone: "You have to make an appointment to surrender a kitten."

Me: "Oookk...I need to make an appointment then."

Jackass: "Well we don't have anything until November 22nd."

Me: "Are you serious?  I have a kitten that I can't keep and pisses all over my apartment, what am I supposed to do with her if I can't bring her in?"

Jackass: "Well you have to make an appointment to surrender a kitten." 

Me: "Oh really? I'm telling you I can't keep her. Do you want me to just let her outside then? Because I CAN'T KEEP HER IN MY APARTMENT."

Jackass: "Ma'm I wouldn't suggest letting the cat outside."

Me: "Well what do you suggest I do then?"

Jackass: "You should make an appointment to surrender her on Nov. 22nd."

Click.

Anyone want a kitten?

The Big Move

It has been a very long while since my last post, so let's see where to start...I am now living in Kirkland, WA with my lovely friend Mahyo and her lovely parents Sholeh and Navid. They have done more for me already than I could ever ask of anyone. I am teaching fourth grade at Snoqualmie Elementary...all the way in Snoqualmie/North Bend area, so I have quite the trek to school every day. Nonetheless, I am blessed beyond my imagination at the way things worked out for me this fall.

My plan was to move in with Mahyo and substitute teach over here on the west side for a few different districts. I had been over here twice already going to orientations and filling out paperwork and what-not. So needless to say, the drive between Seattle and Spokane is becoming a bit redundant. I had just finished an orientation on one such Thursday and was on my way home. I hadn't even gotten out of my car after arriving at Natalie's house when I got a phone call from the principal at Snoqualmie Elementary asking me to come in for an interview Friday afternoon. I had to resist asking her "WHY OH WHY couldn't you have called me a few hours earlier!?" Even so, I was super excited (forgive the elementary teacher lingo-it's beginning to settle into habit). SOOO, I went to dinner for Sara's 24th Birthday (yesss I'm not the oldest one in our group of friends haha) as planned, then went home to get ready for my interview.

My wonderful dad drove me over to Snoqualmie Friday for my interview, quizzing me the whole way, and even taking me to lunch so I could "settle my nervous stomach" before I went in. Now, I must tell you, interviewing is not one of my greatest strengths. It's not that I am an idiot or I don't know what to say. It's that I feel like I have SO MUCH to say that I babble. Yes, I babble. I am not exactly sure what it was, maybe it was my mom's text saying she "sent up a special prayer" or just the anticipation and joy I knew I would have if I got this job; but the interview went perfectly. I came out with a smile, and my dad and I (after numerous jokes throughout the day about having to get home to our keg. True story.) started our drive home.

About an hour after leaving Snoqualmie, I received a call to offer me the position. I barely resisted screaming with excitement and reminded myself "Alicia, you are still on the phone." So, my dad and I got home to our keg, which James, Nick, and Joe had already been drinking for hours. After about 20 Ace Ventura impressions, and a whole lot of beer later, the party died down and I moved the next day.

So, here I am! Living with the Seyadali's, and moving into a new apartment in Issaquah at the end of the month!

Reading Assessment Training

So I know that there are many different views on state testing, at least among teachers. And among the vast majority of these teachers, the view is very negative. I, however, do not believe that state testing is necessarily a bad CONCEPT. I think that there needs to be some sort of consistency statewide, and among teachers of the same grade levels. The only way to measure this, and hold schools and teachers accountable for this is to have some sort of standardized state test. Just my opinion…I know that teachers complain that there is so much pressure put on them to get their students to pass the WASL (or MSP or whatever it is called now J) when in reality, there are little to no consequences actually enforced when students don’t pass. They also bring up the point that they have to "teach to the test" and that takes up most of their teaching time. Well, if all you do is teach students test prep, you are a horrible teacher. Also, shouldn't the standards on these tests be meaningful information they need to know? For instance, if a fifth grade student has a certain set of standards, or things they need to know, by the time they reach the end of 5th grade, shouldn't they be able to test on that information at the end of the year? Which brings me to a whole other issue on No Child Left Behind and the idiotic idea to take money away from schools that don’t pass tests, because, hey, that will obviously help them pass the next time. Clearly we need to take money away from low income schools that don’t have the resources necessary to achieve success in the first place. But that is an entirely different issue.

I was lucky enough to be able to attend a professional development training for reading teachers in Deer Park yesterday to talk about how students are doing on these tests, and strategies us as teachers can use in order to help our students be successful on these assessments. I found this to be extremely beneficial to me as an educator, as did the other teachers who attended with me. However, I did find some of the state standards and questions just that…a bit questionable. The state has introduced new questions called “stand alone” questions, which are questions that have nothing to do with the reading passage on the test. For example, the assessment I just gave my students had a multiple choice question on “layout design.” How many 6^th graders even know what layout design is? Let alone are able to answer which answer best describes what book should be used for a person interested in layout design. How is this an accurate measurement of a student’s knowledge in reading? I agree that it is an accurate measurement of how much a student knows about layout design; but if a student doesn’t know what layout design is, how is he/she supposed to answer the question? And how do I, as a teacher, give him/her the tools to be successful in order to attack a question like this? Come on state board, you gotta do better than this. I also find it odd that we teach our students to infer when they read, and to connect the reading to their background knowledge; yet on the state tests, if they do this, they get the answer wrong. All of their answers have to be text-based. So, am I supposed to tell my students, “Hey, in real life this is what you need to do, but when you take the MSP you do the complete opposite.” That’s not confusing to them.

I love meeting with other teachers and talking about common students and grading work together. It makes me feel better that I am not the only nerd who thinks that my some of my students’ work is hilarious. As we were grading assessments, we found some very interesting, and definitely entertaining answers.

For example, the last question on the 6^th grade assessment asked them “what generalization can the reader draw from this passage?” Now, keep in mind that I am the remedial reading teacher, so many of my students cannot read the word “generalization” let alone be able to tell you what it means. But oh my Lord I almost died when I saw that 4 of them actually DREW A PICTURE of what the passage was about. Talk about the literal meaning of “drawing generalizations.”

The 7^th graders were even better with their answers from their passage about counterfeit money. One question was about how a person would go about making a counterfeit bill, and in the passage, one of the details was that a real bill has a government seal on it. So, obviously, this child said that a counterfeiter would need to send the bill to D.C. to have it marked with the government seal. Talk about the world’s dumbest criminal-here, I have a million dollars in counterfeit money, would you please stamp your seal of approval on it!

And oh the 8^th graders. The final question on their assessment was “what can you infer” or “what can the reader take from this passage” or something along those lines. Naturally, I get an answer like this, “This article had no point. It was ok to read, but it didn’t tell me anything I didn’t already know.” Congratulations, I’m glad you’re so smart. Zero.

Always makes me happy

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtX8nswnUKU